A Good Reason for the Ugly Cry

I'm glad we're not talking in person, because I might cry the ugly cry on you today. You know the one where my face turns beat red and my nose forces me to blow my foghorn. I'd rather you not see me that way.

We're using the What God Wants for Christmas nativity set again this year. In this set is a booklet that parents read to their children for 7 days leading up to Christmas in order to help young children understand the true meaning of December 25. Each day refers to one or two scripture references, and a child can open a numbered box that contains that day's character. For instance, day 1 uses Luke 1:26 to explain Gabriel's role in telling Mary that she would carry and give birth to Jesus. The child opens a box containing Gabriel.

We sat down as a family to go over day two yesterday, which explains Mary's role and uses Luke 1:26-38 as its reference. Rick had my bible open to Luke 1 on his lap, while he was further explaining what he had read to us. Jack was sitting next to him and fighting the wiggles that creep up on him after 2.2 minutes of listening to anyone.

Suddenly, Jack shouted, "THAT'S MY NAME! JACK! SEE?!"

Indeed, it was his name written next to Luke 1:45 in my bible. A verse that spoke to my heart on September 9, 2004.

Luke 1:45 (NIV) "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

What the Lord had said to me at that time in my life was that Jack was going to be our son. Jack was not yet born, but we knew that his birth mom was pregnant with him. At that time, she had asked us to adopt him, and we were anxiously preparing his nursery for his December/January birth.

But my heart told me that his adoption would not be an easy ride. I believe the Lord was preparing me for what was to come...the roller coaster ride that we would have to take in order to get Jack.

(For those new to my blog, you can read Jack's adoption story using the links at the right of this page. It's a long story and you, too, might cry the ugly cry, but it's a great story that will point you to God's goodness in the form of his sovereignty.)

Because I felt that his adoption was not going to be easy, when I read that verse in 2004, I had to underline it and add his name to it. I knew that I would someday need to be reminded of God's promise to put Jack in my arms. And I knew I would need to be encouraged to believe that this child was to be mine.

Back to 2008, Jack saw his name in my bible. Even though I couldn't see the bible from where I was sitting, I knew exactly what he was seeing. I've seen it numerous times throughout the last four years. Each time I see it, my heart flutters to remember that God truly accomplishes what He sees fit for me.

As my nearly four year old read his name in my bible this weekend, the tears welled up in my eyes. I could not explain to him the meaning behind it, because my voice becomes unpredictable with the ugly cry. Rick doesn't cry the ugly cry, so he was able to explain it to him. And he then told Jack to climb up in my lap for some love.

It was a hug that he and I both needed, as Jack has been especially challenging lately. It was a hug that refreshed my soul.

That moment reminded me the Lord is not going to leave me alone to parent this child that pushes every limit. It reminded me that there was a time in my life when my heart ached for this baby to be mine. And it reminded me that not only did He fulfill His promise in handing me that baby boy, but He will continue to fulfill His promises in this child's life.